2016 2 Putter P-I-G Point Series

I have been: lack·a·dai·si·cal ËŒlakəˈdāzÉ™k(É™)l/ adjective lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy. in my updates as if recent, but I promise you g ... show more ›

I have been:
lack·a·dai·si·cal
ˌlakəˈdāzək(ə)l/
adjective
lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy.

in my updates as if recent, but I promise you good folks better. You deserve it. Please take at least 3 mins and 14 secs to listen to my apology. My best, ND

http://youtu.be/Wo9QxYpMbTU

Got some catsup to do here after a slightly tardy update. 2 weeks ago we had a rowdy crowd and the fun started early with a fun surprise as the highest tag started first. Putts were missed, heckl ... show more ›

Got some catsup to do here after a slightly tardy update.

2 weeks ago we had a rowdy crowd and the fun started early with a fun surprise as the highest tag started first. Putts were missed, heckles were shouted, people cried, and the 5.0 rolled through in true piggy fashion.
Kat canned some nice putts, and kept Clair, Zach and Geli on their toes. After Zach's failed attempts at squatting in the bushes, where most Dubz players have taken to peeing..., Clair led the little piggy to the packaging plant and came home with some delightful little links, licking his chops.

Here is what Clair had to say afterward:
http://youtu.be/UZTK8ywMNfQ

The most recent match featured a leaner sounder. What we lacked in numbers though, we made up for in very spirited heckling and some quite personal attacks. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and some were ready to take the verbal abuse and language so profane sailors would blush. Amidst chants of "peanut butta", some nice putts were made including a doozy of a around the back from a rock. Clair and Zach managed to square off in the pen again, this time with some different results. The GOAT showed up and refused to yield to the very patriotic and flag clad returning champion. Best of luck next time.

The GOATs jam:
http://youtu.be/cVY_NhSw5e0

Fitz in both spaces: http://youtu.be/_ZN3weW1udE


I'm going with this for my entry P-I-G jam: http://youtu.be/Adw772km7PQ


Double Blue Light Joke Special:

1). A man is leaning on a farm gate, watching the farmer round up some sheep when he realises that the farmer isn't using a sheepdog, but rather a pig. What's more, the pig, which is expertly manoeuvring the sheep into a pen, only has three legs. "Excuse me," says the man to the farmer, "but why has that pig only got three legs?" "Let me tell you a bit about that pig", says the farmer. "That pig not only herds my sheep, he also crows in the morning, milks the cows morning and night and collects the eggs from the hens." "And that's not all!", he continued, "that pig can count! He counts so well that he does all the farm accounts and fills in my tax forms." "What an amazing pig!" Says the man. "I ain't finished!", says the farmer. "Two years ago, my farmhouse caught fire and the pig called the fire brigade and then fetched water from the river to douse the flames in the hall. He then fought his way through the smoke to where my wife and children lay unconscious and dragged them from the burning house." "Wow!", says the man,"that really is an incredible pig. But I still don't understand why he only has three legs." "Ah, well", says the farmer, "when you have a pig that is that special, you don't eat him all at once...".


2). Three farmers had been competing at the state fair for several years now for the biggest pig contest. Each year though all three farmers would lose to a pig from another county. So, Farmer John calls farmer Brown and Farmer Dan over to his house one day. Farmer John had the idea that the reason each one of them lost separately was because neither of them had a farm with enough food to feed their respective pigs, so the animals never grew big enough. He set down the idea that the three of them pull their resources and enter next year’s contest together with a single pig. All agreed.
And so, Farmer Brown, Dan, and John raised a single piglet to a good sized hog, but upon seeing what the other state’s farmers were raising the were dismayed by the fact that their pig just wasn’t big enough.
“I have an idea” Farmer Brown said. “This pig shits too much, let’s put a plug in his ass to keep him from shitting, and that ought to make him nice and fat.” They all agreed
And so, the pig with a plug in his ass got nice and fat, fatter than any other pig in the state. So fat in fact he was a fair record breaker. The three farmers went home, glade to each have been given a blue ribbon for raising such a prize worthy pig. The time then came then that the pig had to go to slaughter, but before they could do that the farmers had to remove the plug in his ass.
“Well I ain’t doin’ it.” Farmer Brown said. “That pig is HUGE, big as a shed, and all that shit in there? Nu-uh. Not happening. Sides, it was my idea to put the plug there, one of you do it.”
“Dun look at me, I’s the one that pulled the pig on my trailer. You do it.” Farmer John quarreled.
“Wait fellahs,” Farmer John interrupted. “We got this far without fighting, let’s not start now. I have an idea. I got a monkey. He’ll do anything for a peanut. If I give him a peanut, I reckon I can get him to pull the plug out for us.” They all agreed. Farmer John left to get his monkey and a bag of peanuts. When he came back he put the monkey down and held out a peanut for him. “All right Bo-bo. Go get the-“
“Hold on!” farmer Brown said, stepping forward and holding back John’s hand. “Not here. If that pigs gon’ shit let it be in the field. Yuh know, free fertilizer.”
John nodded and they all headed out to Brown’s field. John stood the closest, with Brown about half way between the pig and the edge of the field, and Dan standing at its edge. When Farmer John sent his monkey Bo-bo to pull the plug there was a great resounding, long, wet fart followed by a great black-brown foul smelling torrent of pig shit that rose up to Dan’s ankles. Brown was up to his hips in pig leavings, and John? John was up to his neck, laughing.
Dan and Brown were rightly and reasonably mad, both cursing up storm until their saw Farmer John laughing. “What the hell you laughing for?” Shouted Dan, trying to shake the stink off his legs.
“Yeah, you’re up to your neck in filth” Added Brown
Between alternating gasps and gags John looked back at the other two. “You should have seen that monkey trying to put that plug back!”

Tough night if you started at the back of the line. Ryan wasnt messing around and proceeded to kill off the runts of the litter in no time. Kat, Frank, Fitz and Geli gave TeeBush and Clair a good sh ... show more ›

Tough night if you started at the back of the line. Ryan wasnt messing around and proceeded to kill off the runts of the litter in no time.
Kat, Frank, Fitz and Geli gave TeeBush and Clair a good show before heading off to slaughter. The man who only throws pink wizards took the money.
Friendly reminder about music choices during Play:
1. No Justin Beaver
2. Cold Play will earn you an earful of taunting, possibly worse depending on the song you choose to play.
3. Other than that It's fair game until otherwise stated by the league administration.
4. "Theme Songs" for players are encouraged as either an overconfident, boxer like entrances or as a means of taunting other players. For example: Frank Duncan's theme song should be Edgar Winter Band's classic 1973 synth/funk jam "Frankenstein". Maybe Golden would like to get his groove going with this 1995 Tina Turner hit:
http://youtu.be/QOi2zX_lq6Q

Joke of the week:
This one might not be safe to share with your mom or the kids. then again maybe your mom has a sense of humor or really likes the P-I-G joke of the week. I will leave that judgement to you.

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that when pregnant, they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs.

So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, banged each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs, and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he was woken up by his wife shaking him and saying "Wake up Dear, the pigs are acting strangely!". "What do you mean?" he asked excitedly, "Are they wallowing in the mud?" "No, " she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

Whoooo dang, that was some fun on Weds eve, even under real pig surveillance. 11 tried their chance at taking home the piggy purse. Crazy shots came out early in the night, including a lumberjackass ... show more ›

Whoooo dang, that was some fun on Weds eve, even under real pig surveillance. 11 tried their chance at taking home the piggy purse. Crazy shots came out early in the night, including a lumberjackass of a shot by Zach were you had to "roll one revolution" on the log before putting from the log. I made it, jackass. Anyhoo, the match bounced around a bit including multiple kneeling shed shots and of course multitudes of endless taunting and possibly some boob grabbing....Zach rooted around for some mushrooms and the win, taking down a heavy walleted Fitz. GOAT gotta 🐐

🐷🍄🌭🚓🇺🇸
A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound.

"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked. Cindy put her hand up and said "Moooo!"

"Very good" replied the teacher,"what sound do sheep make?" "Baaaa" answered Jimmy.

She continued this for a while. Then she asked, "What sound does a pig make?"

All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed,

"Up against the wall you son of a bitch!!"

Bonus!
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

5/4: Last week was a quickie as reported by the only Einswine smart enough to stick around for some fun in the mud. Clair's sty-lish form allowed him to take down the crowd in record time. Some were ... show more ›

5/4: Last week was a quickie as reported by the only Einswine smart enough to stick around for some fun in the mud. Clair's sty-lish form allowed him to take down the crowd in record time. Some were left disgruntled, suck it up buttercup.

5/11: A heck of a lot of fun to be had last night with a record crowd. Putting hubris abound, shenanigans ensued early along with some heckling and possibly a yo-mama joke. Half the crowd succumbed to a couple long shots which mucked up their chances of pork delight any time soon. Rare backed and ready to fight, Kat and Fitz managed to hang with Ryan after his impressive no letter run. Being the pigs they are, Ryan and Fitz eliminated poor Kat with no regard and battled for the bacon. Fitz spent some time in the bush and emerged victorious with his 1st win of the season. Better luck next time everyone.

1) A man and his pet pig walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my pig." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the pig falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a pig."

2) A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a pig sitting next to him. "Are you a pig?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The pig replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Fun times last night and good to see some new faces. Trick shots came out early and most were up for the challenge. TeeBush, Golden Boy and Fitz looked strong midway through, but Zach had a sowprize ... show more ›

Fun times last night and good to see some new faces. Trick shots came out early and most were up for the challenge. TeeBush, Golden Boy and Fitz looked strong midway through, but Zach had a sowprize in store as he went on to take both P-I-G and Dubz. Winner winner piggy dinner!

Warning MSAW (Might Snort At Work)

Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend’s door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, “Fred, how’d that pig get him a wooden leg?”

“Well, Michael, that’s a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin’, went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!”

“And the boar tore up his leg?”

“No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin’ like he was stuck, woke us up, and ‘fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved ’em all!”

“So that’s when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?”

“No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out ‘fore I drownded. Sure did save my life.”

“And that was when he hurt his leg?”

“Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too.”

“OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?”

“Well”, the farmer tells him, “A pig like that, you don’t want to eat all at once!”

Another night, up in smoke. We had had the most porkticipants yet, 9 in total. A rare appearance by Ryan L., he proved his chops were well done and pushed us swine to miss some long putts. Frank nearl ... show more ›

Another night, up in smoke. We had had the most porkticipants yet, 9 in total. A rare appearance by Ryan L., he proved his chops were well done and pushed us swine to miss some long putts. Frank nearly tomahawked from the shed, fair warning. Despite a heavy glazing most were on their game but Geli had a few snorts as he took home the green.
The Insult
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, “Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?”

Then the lady answered, “Excuse me, I think this is a goose.”
And the bartender says, ”Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”

A fairly quick match last night, as a majority of the participants failed to make some very elementary putts. Zach was rooting around for the win despite being down P-I to yours truly. After a few bac ... show more ›

A fairly quick match last night, as a majority of the participants failed to make some very elementary putts. Zach was rooting around for the win despite being down P-I to yours truly. After a few back and forth so Zach really started hamming in a comeback LL Cool J would have been proud of. He hogged all the cash as well.
Here's one for a chuckle:
Two explorers are lost in the desert. They’ve been wandering around aimlessly for days and they’re close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden one of them sees something ahead in the distance.

He shouts, “A bacon tree, a bacon tree!” and rushes off towards it as fast as his weakened body will allow.

The second explorer follows him.

With renewed strength, they struggle on through the dunes until at last they get near to the tree.

They can see it’s full of every kind of pig meat you can imagine – fried bacon, back bacon, smoked bacon and more.

The first explorer shouts, “We’re saved, we’re saved!”

The second explorer says, “Wait – are you sure it’s not just a mirage? We are in the desert after all.”

The first explorer says, “Just smell that bacon – have you ever heard of a mirage that smelled of bacon?”

And so he runs to the tree with the second explorer following a few paces behind.

Just as he gets near it, there’s a burst of machine gun fire and the first explorer falls to the ground, mortally wounded.

With his last breath, he warns the second explorer, “Get back! You were right. It’s not a bacon tree. It’s a ham-bush!”

We didn't have a full sounder last night dye to the cold, but it was hardly boaring. Geli took home the bacon after a heated three way battle in the muck and mire. Here's one to tickle your ribs: A ... show more ›

We didn't have a full sounder last night dye to the cold, but it was hardly boaring. Geli took home the bacon after a heated three way battle in the muck and mire. Here's one to tickle your ribs:

A MAN AND A WOMAN HAD BEEN PLAYING disc golf every day for fifty years. One day, as they stood on the tee box, she said, “Honey, we’ve been married for fifty years today, so why don’t we start off the next fifty with a clean slate and confess all our past wrongs?

“He said, “Okay, if you’re sure that’s what you really want. Do you remember seventeen years ago I had that blond secretary? Well, I had an affair with her.”

She said, “Oh, that’s nothing, honey. Before we met, I had a sex change.”

He said, “Why, you lying whore. All this time you’ve been throwng from the red tees.”