Bill Marshall  › Portage Lakes DGC   April 25, 2016 at 11:25am

Lost a green star tern on 11 today. I actually didnt lose it. My stupid French girlfriend Fabian forgot it there. I specifically told her not to forget me star tern and its the one thing she forgot to grab. It was my Fathers tern and his father before him. Captain Koons passed it on to me along with this tale of what it took to get that tern to me.

See, he was a good friend of my dad's. They were in that Hanoi pit of hell together over five years.'ll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like him and my Dad were, for as long as they were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been him who had not made it, Major Marshall would be talkin' right now to his son Jim. But the way it turned out is Captain Koons talkin' to me, Billy. He got somethin' for me.
(The Captain sits down and pulls a green star tern from his pocket)
This green tern he got here was first purchased by my great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Ontario, California. Made by the first company to ever make star terns. Up till then people just carried Innova Grooves. It was bought by private Doughboy Earnesto Marshall on the day he set sail for Paris. It was my great-grandfather's war tern and he threw it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to my great-grandmother, took the green tern out of his bag, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Barthalomew Marshall was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. My great-grandfather gave this green tern to my granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Barthalomew's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Bart was a Marine and he was killed -- along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. My granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, my granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his green tern. Three days later, my granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to my grandmother, delivering to my infant father, his Dad's green tern. This tern..... This tern was in my Daddy's bag when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the tern, it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way my Dad looked at it, that green tern was my birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he Carried this green star tern up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave him the green tern. Captain Koons hid this uncomfortable hunk of plastic up his ass two years. Then, after seven years, he was sent home to his family. And now, little man, He give the green tern to me.

As you can see, I really want it back. Stupid girlfriend was probably thinking about different blueberry flavored foods or something.


Tristan McBride   April 26, 2016 at 9:50am

Great story. 😂 😂 😂

Dave Bussey   April 27, 2016 at 9:14am

Well done sir, well done! Did you happen to check on top of the Bunny cup?